The Faces of Chronic Pain
Accessing Compassion and Love for Ourselves and Others
Being in pain shows the face of suffering.
Despite all efforts to hide its true nature, pain is a danger alarm that something is wrong. The sound gets louder and louder to attend to, and the grimaces are more challenging and impossible to hide.
It's part of the human condition that we naturally feel at the body being in dis-ease; our facial expressions may reflect a more guarded, tense, uncomfortable, and withdrawnness, yet our pain is invisible and unknown to others at a glance.
Our facial expressions are complex and difficult to understand. And Knowing our situation, they don't understand. They feel our pain is not real. Why aren't we better? The fear of pain has a way of controlling our movements, making them calculated and cautious.
This portrayal presents a big dilemma regarding the overall different image of how we want to be seen while making sure the movements are controlled and prepared for anticipating the pain.
They are calculated for a good reason: to avoid increased discomfort or to pay the movement's price later.
We might hear the judging remarks "through the lines" from a colleague, a family member, or someone we thought had our back. The words feel harsh and further impact and feel hurtful to the emotional hurts we already feel from being in pain.
Other areas also hurt the emotional part of having pain. It stings when hearing comments that our physical appearance is being criticized; it's natural not to feel like smiling when you are in pain, and It's hard to access joy or realize how you may not be accessing joy when you feel discomfort.
These expressions are not weaknesses. They are natural responses to fear and discomfort caused by pain and are adaptive to help minimize the pain.
They are not wrong and entitled to be there. They should be understood and met with compassion from ourselves and, hopefully, the people we love and care about.
But they are also the feelings around the pain. Maybe there is fear there, tension, more fear from the anticipation of the symptoms, frustration, resentment, a strong desire for it to just go away, a sense of powerlessness and lack of control.
The hope to change the narrative by offering ourselves compassion and grace for the pain and discomfort. Compassion is needed for our suffering, the suffering of the symptoms we have that are getting in the way of the life we want. The suffering to be able to speak up may be for the people who have spoken ill of us, who misunderstood our suffering and made it a judgment.
Meet yourself with compassion for the pain, and recognize and acknowledge the feeling because it is there to protect you. Your pain may have a message. What is it trying to tell you? Suffering brings inquiry, and with inquiry comes knowledge. When we practice stillness, we can hear it.
Try this one: a Compassionate Check-in
A moment to check in with yourself. Place a hand gently over your heart or wherever you feel pain, and breathe deeply. Ask yourself:
If I could sit next to my pain, What do you think it needs?
What emotions or needs are underneath this discomfort?"
How can I respond to my pain with kindness rather than judgment?
As you reflect, notice any sensations or emotions that arise. Observe and acknowledge them. Take a deep breath. It's not your job to fix the feelings or sensations. Also, they are to occur and be acknowledged. If helpful, jot down any thoughts or insights that arise.
This gentle check-in is an opportunity to honor your experience and connect with the message your body may be trying to share. Share if you have a practice that you do to check-in.